I've realized that i have to consciously stop myself from trying to be clever or witty in these posts. I think it's something about writing and the forced happening that you must take more time to think before getting something out that leaves an expectation within myself to come up with something good. So there's my confession. I will require myself to keep a constant tapping of these keys so that i do not take too much time in trying to impress you with my creative writing skills (or lack there of). I genuinely do want to be real and raw with all of you. I was telling Alan today that it's a bit odd for me to just fully dive in without really feeling like i know you all. But I've decided to take a stand against the fear of man that is within me try dive whole heatedly into this.
With that being said... Shannon: When i read your post yesterday I felt a combination of two things #1 a burdened heart for you #2 joy. So i feel like i should explain my second emotion first. I felt so much joy that you would be so vulnerable and real right off the bat. I love that and respect that so much. It immediately opened the door for me to feel safe doing the same thing. That leads me into my second emotion- that I almost didn't share because I wasn't sure if it would sound like too much too soon. But hey- since when does the Kingdom of God have anything to do with timidity? So i'll start by telling you that I hardly ever cry. It's kind of a curse in a way- i really hate it. I mean really, even ask Alan- he might question my affections for him because of this little trait about me (jk babe, i'm sure you know i'm all about you). So that is just to emphasize my point that the Lord really allowed my heart to feel burdened for you in a beautiful way. It was one of those times where the Holy Spirit just filled my heart and mouth with words to pray. It's incredible how He allows us to do that for each other. And then I put on one of my favorite songs and just cried out that he would sing to your Spirit these words and draw near to you. I didn't feel an authority to pray that the pain and confusion be taken away because I just felt that there was far too much that He wanted to share with you in the midst of every unsettling emotion that is inside of you. And while everything in me just wanted to pray for peace and comfort to come over you I couldn't do it- I could only pray that He would be right in the midst of everything that your feeling and that His presence would be SO STRONG over you that you are just driven into His arms with emotion filled tears. Sometimes i think that we are too quick to try and pray away the pain that we are feeling and we miss out on the intimacy that that desperation brings. And so I pray that you will be so overwhelmed by His presence that you are driven into a deeper place of intimacy with Him. I believe and know that this will happen for you.
This is the song that I put on while praying for you- It starts out as a woman speaking to God and asking what she can do to show her love for him and then it transitions into what she hears God respond with to her. And the part of the song that really stood out to me for you is Him just saying to her that she doesn't need to do a thing other than just stopping to be in His presence.
http://www.imeem.com/apolprieto/music/-cvjSU5c/brian_and_jenn_johnson_a_little_longer/
(if it doesn't let you get to it that way then use the youtube link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyLJlkYv8hw
(i would suggest listening to the song without watching the video)
I will continue to petition for you. Love you girl. (and you guys too)
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